Book Review: Never Eat Alone

The concept of “networking” long held for me a faintly parasitic connotation. The idea that one should view a relationship merely as a means to getting a dream job seemed like an abuse of friendship or a betrayal of trust. Moreover, I wondered if I would ever feel like I really “deserved” the job if I suspected that simply knowing the right person was a significant factor in the hiring decision. This is why I was so skeptical of networker extraordinaire Keith Ferrazzi’s claim that “I have over 5,000 people on my Palm who will answer the phone when I call. They are there to offer expertise, jobs, help, encouragement, support, and yes, even care and love.” Love?!? OK, so the first thing that comes to mind is that anyone who will tell you that he has over 5,000 contacts on his personal Rolodex is narcissistic, insecure, and was likely attention-deprived as a child. Of course, the next thing that comes to mind is: how do I be like him?

In his book Never Eat Alone, Mr. Ferrazzi makes a considered effort to persuade cynics like me that networking can be a genuine, mutually beneficial enterprise. The basic idea is nothing new: seek out the most successful people around you and ask for their help and guidance. What distinguishes Mr. Ferrazzi’s book is his insistence that you can feel good about networking because you honestly believe you will give back more than you get. To prove his point, Mr. Ferrazzi says that when an opportunity to help presents itself, he envisions himself as a switchboard, parceling out “as much information, contacts, and goodwill to as many people as possible.”

Seeing networking relationships as reciprocal partnerships and being a helpful hub of goodwill sound nice enough, but these aims take for granted an extensive and carefully maintained circle of friends (which you probably don’t have). Fortunately, Mr. Ferrazzi has provided you with a book full of suggestions to develop the skills needed to turn your personal acquaintances into a well-oiled success machine. Here are some the best:

• Be bold. Find the audacity to introduce yourself to people who don’t know you. Set a goal of introducing yourself to one new person per week. For motivation, try weighing your fear of embarrassment against your fear of failure.
  
  
• Never eat alone. Constantly seek to include others in whatever you’re doing—eating, exercising, running errands, or taking a coffee break.
  
  
• Share your passions. Friendships are created and maintained not by the quantity but the quality of time spent together. Use shared interests to engage old and new contacts by planning events that bring you together and give you a chance to solidify your relationship.
  
  
• Be a conference commando. See conferences not primarily as a place to gain insight, but an opportunity to extend your network and do business. Get inside access to events and people by volunteering to help the organizer. Better yet, be the organizer (or speaker for that matter).
  
  
• Master the “deep bump.” A favorite technique of politicians, the deep bump is a two-minute conversation in which a bond is formed by looking deeply into the other person’s eyes and heart, listening intently, and revealing a little about yourself that exposes some vulnerability.
  
  
• “Ping” contacts to maintain relationships. A ping is a quick, casual greeting that helps you stay connected to the people in your network. Ping acquaintances you want to get to know better about once a month; ping friends at least once a year (birthdays and holidays are ideal).Pinging, suggests Mr. Ferrazzi, can be an efficient way to multitask during a cab ride to the airport or time spent in the restroom.
  
  
• Seek out super-networkers. Super-networkers are persons who maintain an extraordinarily large network of friends and associates. Super-networkers are often employed as professional headhunters, lobbyists, fundraisers, politicians, journalists, and public relations specialists.
  
  
• Take advantage of the strength of weak ties. Recognize that the most important people in your network may be your acquaintances, since unlike your close friends, they generally occupy a different world with information and people you don’t have easy access to.

Sound like a lot of work? It is. Thankfully (albeit near the end of the book), Mr. Ferrazzi admits to an obsessive compulsion for networking and concedes that his is not the only path to relationship success, an acknowledgment which was a source of great consolation for me. Perhaps the dream job will come despite spending only moderate amounts of time networking; perhaps one can get by without having to ping contacts while using the restroom after all. Here’s hoping.